Isn’t it great to talk to someone all day? Get morning messages, good night texts, go out sometimes, just hang out randomly and etc. I don’t quite know I’ll explain what I’m feeling but I know very well indeed that anxiety is a hell of a b*.
As Louis The Hippie said, metaphorically and in other words, have you ever felt like you’re climbing a mountain to see what’s on the other side but at the end of the day it was just a rock? Or as this saying goes, you’re making a storm out of glass of water. That’s anxiety basically, and I’ve been here doing exactly that – a storm out of a glass of water – and over nothing.
Hypothetically. I feel like it’s been months since… Oh well! I feel like it’s been months since it happened but it’s just been a couple of days I swear. Hypothetically I’ve played out every single scenario on my mind and they are really deep and scary, I even already kind of had a preview of this person being out of my life for good or eventually leave and then come back again as if we were meant to be in each other’s lives but not with each other regardless of the connection we might have.
I know, it’s complicated and perhaps hard to understand but I’m writing exactly as my anxiety speaks, I’m being now fluent in anxiety. My body is actually shivering and (hypothetically) the scenarios keep playing in my mind as if I already ruined a relationship that doesn’t even exist.
Anxiety hell of a beast!
And why did I mention a connection before? This isn’t from yesterday, this isn’t from months ago, this isn’t just from years ago, (hypothetically) it’s a story that keeps happening, and every time it still feels the same.
Some say that for others doors to open sometimes we must close the door that is already open and the hopeless romantics say that we shouldn’t give up on
love which I can’t say for sure that it’s love but it feels worth fighting for. Anxiety takes over. My heart skips a bit every time I don’t get an answer, and that could take up more than twenty-four hours or a week – we shouldn’t be playing chess should we? Playing chess with life, playing chess with love – and then when I finally get my reply (hypothetically) pride (takes over) plays the twenty-four hours or one week late reply too. I’m such an idiot, I’m lying, I don’t play that card. I don’t like to pretend that I didn’t read a message, actually I answer as soon as possible so I won’t forget to because sometimes I forget too (and it could be for days) but also I dislike very much any notification sign that appears on my phone, so probably the unanswered will just be kept on read, I don’t like any notification, point blank! Anxiety + Anxiety = Anxiety^2
I don’t know about the receiving end, I don’t know if they feel the same as me when it comes to replying, I don’t know if they feel like we’re putting too much pressure into it (myself) or if it’s just cool this way (himself/herself) but does anxiety plays a role on the receiving end as well? Do they play improbable scenarios on their minds too? Afff…